I love our lake place. It has provided our family a place to get away from the craziness of life. Makes you want to slow down.
We went out there for the first time in months this last weekend. We needed to check on some things, and get it ready for use this summer. When we were finished with our tasks, I decided to sit outside and enjoy the nice weather. I put my phone away, and just wanted to take in all that was around me. It seems like it would be an easy thing to do, to just sit there and do nothing…..but it wasn’t. I was frustrated that I was having a hard time just “being”. My mind was racing through different things I could ponder, but it just felt awkward, like I was trying too hard to be still. I so wanted this time just to sit, and reflect with the Lord on how my life was going at the present time, but it was one of the hardest things I have done lately. Why did it seem so impossible?
As I sat there, I began to realize in the midst of the stillness, I was coming face-to-face with insecurities I didn’t want to deal with. Usually masked by the busyness, I wanted to run and hide from how I was feeling. I felt vulnerable, scared, and alone. I wanted to have this time to sit in the quiet and reflect, but it felt like it was going to be too painful. Because when it came right down to it, I began to see the flaws and imperfections, and wondered if I would be accepted for all the baggage that comes with me. It is those things that you never want to share with anyone else, deep inside. And it can be especially intimidating when you realize that God can already see all of this.
It wasn’t easy to stay there, but I decided to anyway. I sat before the Lord, asking Him to help me deal with it all. And instead of running away with my thoughts, I trusted how the Lord feels about me. That despite all I was trying to hide, He saw it all, and still loved me just as much. I am so glad I chose to stay in the moment and confront how I was feeling. The peace of the Lord swept over me, and I knew that my identity is not in my flaws, but in Him. What a blessing that can come out of moments like this. To realize that even after being fully known, we are still accepted. That all we need to do is bring these feelings, insecurities, worries, whatever it may be….to the foot of the cross, and let Him have them. We were not meant to run away when we feel inadequate. Quite the opposite actually. He wants us to poor out our hearts to Him, and walk through life with Him, even when it is hard to feel. When we face these things, and confess them to the Lord, we can walk in the freedom that we were meant to have all along.
Why is it so hard to do this more often? Honestly I think that we have become so accustom to the busyness of life, that it can make us numb to how we feel. So when we do actually have a moment of stillness, we get scared of the emotions we start to feel. Then we just pick up with the busyness again, so we don’t have to deal with it. And just muzzle all that is going on inside…..I know that is how it has been for me.
We should not be afraid to bare it all out there to the Lord. Not only does He love us with our flaws, but when we bring all these things mentioned to the Lord, he can help in the healing that might need to take place, or give us the strength to deal with whatever we are facing. Truth can be brought to our lives, and we can grow because of it.
The stillness of life is one of the most precious places to experience. It doesn’t seem good at first, but if you just sit for a moment and let the Lord come into it, how refreshing it can be. You may begin to see it this way once you have experienced it a couple of times. That being still can be better than the most productive day we have staying busy. Oh how I pray that I would learn to do this more. Busyness can just numb our life, but sit in the stillness for a bit, and it can bring you life again.